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<title>Eyes Closed by Chevrolet_Charm</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27647699">Eyes Closed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chevrolet_Charm/pseuds/Chevrolet_Charm'>Chevrolet_Charm</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anger, Angst, Chronic Lying, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Potential Explict Content, Sexual Content, Songfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:41:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>523</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27647699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chevrolet_Charm/pseuds/Chevrolet_Charm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When a breakup goes bad but you keep holding on </p><p>Inspired by the Halsey song of the same name.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/You, Past Dean Winchester/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Eyes Closed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You didn’t dare lay on the same side of the bed as Steve – or was it Stan? You couldn’t even remember his name. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The litany of fake encouragement and a night of unfulfilled pleasure. It was the third one this month. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> wouldn’t have left you hanging. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once a week, you headed to the bars, hunting. Wherever you were at the time, it didn’t matter. Looking for someone who was taller than you. Broad shoulders, and green eyes of any shade didn’t hurt either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were all the same. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your eyes were squeezed shut as he kissed you. You tried to imagine Dean’s chapped lips instead of the too soft ones you were pressed up against. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The whiskey-laced kisses kept the illusion real. The fake cologne scent broke it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>The next morning you reach your hand out to feel the sheets. Ice cold. They never stayed longer than the night and most were gone before you woke up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean wouldn’t. He’d stay and cook you breakfast and snuggle you awake. Or wake you up in a far more interesting pattern.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another town, another man. This one feels like him but doesn't look like him. You closed your eyes as soon as he was distracted. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next man wore a leather jacket and was covered in tattoos. Too long of hair, but it was a great night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the first time in a long time, you kept in contact with a man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You had been on a few dates and watched the sun fall and the stars rise and the sun come up again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You’d thought about calling Dean and telling him the good news. It was a friendly sort of love that couldn’t replace the burning passion you had once upon a time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>You were ready to give up your normal life for Dean. You would have given up a perfect job and life for him. Would have sewed up his wounds, and been an anchor in a storm of bad decisions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You always wondered what went wrong. Did you love him too much? Or not enough? Were you always meant to be a throwaway? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A lover and a liar in one stroke. One night of passion and a wrong name. Walking into the laundry room and finding a piece of clothing that didn’t belong to you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You had thought Dean was different from the rest. He was a traitor in his own right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You had notebooks full of advice, from friends and foes alike. None of it came from him, and you don’t know how to tape the pieces of your heart back together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Another shot of whiskey and another man. Someone new in a new town. He was unsuspecting and didn’t deserve what you threw at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When you floated down from your bliss you realized you had only thought of Dean. Your bedmate hadn’t even noticed your distraction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Picture perfect town, same broken routine. Some things never change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Someone finally understood what you were doing. “I’m pretending you are someone else too. Don’t try to hide it. It makes it worse.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They kissed you hard and emotionless. “I don’t care.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feel free to come and join the discord, a link between the writers and the readers, a place to give feedback and rant about the works we have read and loved or hated or everything in between!</p><p>https://discord.gg/k7y3uvqbAK</p></blockquote></div></div>
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